What do Rob Ford and Grumpy have in Common?
So, it’s an electrical heart malfunction that appears to be causing Grumpy’s irregular heartbeat. And, not unlike your car, it appears as if he is in line for a cardio tune up. Now, of course, the most non-evasive technique for accomplishing this would be the application and ingestion of massive amounts of DRUGS!
This treatment will be simple, easy and effective and also be covered by the Good Wife’s awesome and comprehensive Medical Plan. Dr. Kennedy assures the Grump’s that these NEW AND IMPROVED chemicals are just what he needs and just what the Doctor ordered.
Indeed, Grumpy has been on this kind of a drug regimen for many years in order to control his blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol and the usual stuff old farts accrue as they get older.
Most of the junk he has been taking has been like the “Minor Leagues”, sort of like Single “A” baseball; suitable for Rookies and with minimal side effects. Every day he pops down a variety Tic-Tac-like medications and goes on with normal activity.
Given that he hasn’t croaked and is still alive and kicking assures him that those ten years of being “medicated” have been a damn good thing. After all, the drugs Grumpy takes are all readily available and totally legal.
Nevertheless, Grumpy soon learned that he has now entered the Major Leagues of chemical intervention. He knows this because the costs of his new drugs are astronomical. He is like Alex Rodriguez except that he doesn’t have the New York Yankees paying the bills. He half believes these meds are manufactured in Nicaragua by a company called CONTRA PHARMACEUTICALS. But, even worse than the cost, is the fact that some the side effects from these new concoctions can be life-threatening.
Yes, the drugs that cure you can at the same time kill you.
Let’s look at Apixiban for an example.
The danger inherent in irregular heartbeats is blood clots that lead to strokes. Hence, a blood thinner (anti-coagulant) is usually used to “thin” your blood to a watery consistency. Most people I know take “Rat Poison” otherwise now as cumminin. The problem with this drug is that one must be constantly monitored with blood tests to insure you don’t end up like a drowned rat, otherwise known as – DEAD as a doornail.
Dr. Kennedy first put it this way, “By the way, DO YOU HAVE A DRUG PLAN?”
To which Grumpy proudly replied, “Well, of course, Doctor.”
The Doctor smiled. It was big and it was bright.
This reminded Grumpy of the big smile his Dentist always has because, you see, he also has a Dental Plan.
“Ah, then I’d like to try you on this new improved super-duper one-of-a-kind wonder drug they just came out with,” the Doctor continues. “With this one, NO BLOOD TESTS are needed and it’s so much more effective in preventing clots!”
ALL HAIL APIXIBAN!
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