Pumba: The Pit-bull in Cock-a-poo Clothing


Pumba: The Pit-bull in Cock-a-poo Clothing

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PUMBA 005Having introduced you to Pumba the Farting Dog, Grumpy laid out the suggestion that the little mutt has some issues with anger management/dominance. Indeed, the little fur ball shows indications of being bi-polar, or at the very least, a dog with two distinct personalities.

This dog can wag his tail and growl at the same time.

You see, Pumba has a “love-hate” relationship with each person who visits Grumpy Villa. He either loves you or he hates you.

This is somewhat difficult to comprehend because, with those that live in Grumpy Villa, he is the most affectionate dog ever.

For example, every evening after supper Pumba jumps up on Grumpy’s lap for his nightly “Rubby-Dub”. This is a full out cuddle session that involves ear and belly scratches, a complete body rubdown/massage and a whole lot of snuggling and hugging. Doggy kisses are in order, even though Pumba’s breath can be as odoriferous as the bottom of a garbage can on a hot day.

My friends, you can set your watch by this daily behavior.

He also flips on his back when family members approach him, asking for his favorite kind of foot-on-the belly rub. You’d think he was the most submissive dog on the planet.

But, you’d be entirely wrong.

PUMBA 001

In contrast, if Grumpy’s mother-in-law drops in for a visit, Pumba goes on Red Alert and is fully prepared to attack her like a hungry wolf on steroids. The very sight of her sets him off.

He barks, he growls, he lunges forward. By golly, on most occasions, he has to be muzzled and restrained.

Barb will ask, “Why doesn’t your dog like me? I’m his Grandma!”

Our farmer friend, Tractor Paul, gets the opposite treatment when he visits. As soon as his posterior hits the couch, Pumba runs up Paul’s belly to sit on his head, as he gives his “bestest” buddy a total face wash with his tongue.

The key to this discrepancy in approach seems to be how you handled you first encounter with this little mongrel.

If you were quiet and used a gentle approach when he was a pup, sort of let him come to you – he loves you. If you were too aggressive or boisterous in your first meeting – Pumba hates you. And, if you have any kind of fear of dogs, Pumba senses this and attempts to dominate you as if you were a new recruit into his pack. You make one move and he attempts to herd you where he wants you to go with a bark and a growl.

Take for example the police officer who lives next door. He liked to growl and charge at Pumba when he was a pup – teasing him mercilessly. Now Pumba goes ballistic at the very sound of the officer’s vehicle as it turns into his driveway. He barks and growls and jumps at the door. You’d swear the little gaffer has morphed into a German shepherd of the junkyard dog variety!

I often have to remind Pumba that this guy carries a gun.GUNhill

Alas, one time when Officer Big Tease was loading his hunting equipment into his truck (rifle included) he remarked, “I could take care of that barking little mutt if you wanted!” Officer Big Tease then offered up a smirky-smirk reminiscent of Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

“Oh, my!”

From time to time, the Phenom brings home a whole host of his teenage buddies. Some of them meet the affectionate Pumba; the one who follows them around, does belly rub flip-er-oos, or jumps up on their laps for “ruby-dubs”. However, there are few more of these buddies who require a police escort to the Phenom’s room because Pumba has only one thing in mind – that of biting them squarely on the ass.

The mere mention of one of these boy’s names and Pumba goes ballistic. For example, say “Kevin” and the darned dog rushes the door barking and growling as if a serial killer was on the porch.

Pumba has his most wanted list which includes, Kevin, Colin, Chris and Brock and, of course, mother-in-law Barb.

A week ago Grumpy was picking up a group of these “buds” from a party and took Pumba along for the ride. Poor Chris was the first one to come out to the car. As soon as he saw the dog, he stood his ground and said, “I’m not getting in the car with THAT psycho!”

All the while, Pumba was jumping against the window and scratching the glass in full out Cujo mode.

Most visitors to Grumpy Villa are also aware of the dog’s love-hate personality. If you are on Pumba’s hit list you know to put your shoes on a chair or in a closet. You see, Pumba likes to PEE in the shoes of the people he is not permitted to bite. “Take that, you human scumbag!”

MICHAEL VICKS MOST WANTED!

MICHAEL VICKS MOST WANTED!

Even Grumpy feels the wrath of Pumba from time to time. Once disciplined by Grump’s – Pumba set it upon himself to deposit a nice puddle of urine on Grumpy’s pillow.

Grumpy guesses that this is a dogs way of communicating, “You pissed me off, dude!”

And, because of this personality fault Pumba can become demanding.

For instance, if the Good wife retires to bed early to read and Grumpy remains in the living room, the dog will sit on the bed a yelp at him. The dog is telling Grump’s, in no uncertain terms, “You need to come to bed, too. You need to come to bed now! It’s “pack” it in time!”

If Grumpy and the Good Wife stay up late to watch a movie, Pumba will sit at the bedroom door and bark telling us, “Its Pumba’s bedtime, duh! Let’s go! It’s time to hit the sheets humans! It’s past 10 o’clock!”

Part of this behavior makes Mr. Poo a great guard dog. His ferocious precocious demeanor would scare off even the baddest of the bad intruders.

The problem is that any sound will set him off. If you close the refrigerator door too hard that little “thunk” has Pumba scrambling to the kitchen in full attack mode, barking and growling like a maniac.

“Grrrrrrrrrrr! Where is he? Let me at him? I’ll rip him a new . . . . !”

THE CHAIR-MAN OF THE HOARD.

THE CHAIR-MAN OF THE HOARD.

Opening the refrigerator door, of course, has the opposite effect. No matter how quietly you do this, Pumba scrambles to your feet in full begging-for-treat mode. And, if it’s cheese you are after, this hopping hound will jump up and down as if you fed him Mexican jumping beans for breakfast. Sometimes Grumpy calls him, “Circus Dog!”

Upon opening the refrigerator door he is your best friend. Upon closing the door he is your worst enemy. If that doesn’t indicate a split personality nothing else Grumpy could say will help you understand this.

No wonder Michael Vick kept calling us a few years back with pleas of, “I wanna sign yo dog to a five fight contract, mista!”

And get this, when any of us make a move to leave the house our psychotic dog barks and jumps at us, trying to block our way to the door.

“Don’t go humans! Don’t leave me here alone! Grrrrrrrr!”

AAAAAhoboAnd to think when we got this little fur ball, all Grumpy could think about was a comparison to that cute cuddly Benji dog from those movies from years gone by. In Grumpy’s humble opinion, Benji’s exploits made The Littlest Hobo London, look like bum!

BENJI: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benji

LITTLEST HOBO: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Littlest_Hobo

We once considered offering the Dog Whisperer, Caesar Millan, the challenge of working with our pet. We’ve seen the malcontents he’s had to deal with and how he “whispers” them into submission.

NOT VERY!

NOT VERY!

Maybe his great expertise and experience working with delinquent dogs would provide us with some hope. Unfortunately, after viewing a video of our dog’s behavior he responded with a curt, “Sorry, Mr. Grumpy, I can’t fix stupid.”

THE DOG WHISPERER: http://www.cesarsway.com/

All in all, we love our little pet. We can take the good with the bad. But, if you ever venture over to Grumpy Villa, you’d better remember to protect your ASS-ets and hide your shoes.

In the meantime, Old Grumpy is going to order a copy of this!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzBENJI

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