“The moon is friend for the lonesome to talk to.” ― Carl Sandburg
Yes, Grumpy is Moonstruck!
Just this past week he experienced another dose of full moon behavior. And no, he isn’t talking about the sudden growth of body hair and a propensity for biting his acquaintances. He’ll leave werewolf behavior where it belongs – as part those Saturday afternoon features he’d attend at the old Capitol Theatre in Galt.
Yes, Grumpy remembers when 50 cents (Not the Rapper) bought you admission to a twin bill of horror movies and a big bag of popcorn.
The behavior Grumpy is talking about relates more to the general public and/or the incarcerated population of prisons. Some of these places of incarceration are called “schools”, a place Grumpy is more than familiar with after nearly thirty years in the classroom.
He recalls the common staffroom lament brought forth by colleagues after a tough day with 30 little werewolves, as in, “There must be a full moon tonight!”
This full moon influence is often called the LUNAR EFFECT or better still, The Transylvania Effect. Hence, the word “lunacy” has become a modifier for these abnormal out-of-character behaviors.
You see, Luna, is a prefix of the word “lunatic”.
Quick research from a reliable source such as WIKIPEDIA (Cough, cough) suggests that there is no influence at all – these behaviors are all in our heads.
“To the extent that nurses and police officers do indeed claim to observe patterns, this is most likely to be explained in terms of confirmation bias: People notice if something dramatic happens during a full moon, but do not notice when nothing dramatic happens; furthermore, dramatic occurrences that do not occur during full moons are typically not counted as evidence against the belief. Believers are further bolstered in their belief through communal reinforcement: The more people talk about the effect, the more people notice spurious relationships.”
Grumpy begs to differ.
Every time there is a full moon he gets this weird-anxious-edgy feeling. This leads to his barking out orders and craving things like steak and big humongous burgers. In fact, he’ll run to the calendar to confirm that, indeed, a full moon has presented itself. He admits that he’ll look in the mirror in order to detect whether his facial hair is growing faster.
To prove this, Grumpy will cite another reliable source, The Farmer’s Almanac.
“People who believe that Moon phases affect human behavior will point out that the human body is about 60% water. If the phase of the Moon can affect ocean tides, and even cause a bulge in the Earth’s crust, surely it would exert an effect of human beings, they reason.”
We’re 60% water and after a few beverages of choice we might just hit 70%! Can you feel those waves of lunacy stirring?
The Almanac goes even further, stating, “One hypothesis, posed in a 1999 issue of the Journal of Affective Disorders, suggested that sleep deprivation, caused by the brightness of the full Moon, might have worsened existing mental disorders.”
This confirms exactly what Grumpy has believed for years. We are all certifiable nut cases who are just a fine line from being totally “bonkers” because of our existing mental disorders.
“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.” ― Mark Twain
Grumpy asks, “What existing mental disorders are YOU hiding, mister?”
Humans are “Fruitcakes” no matter the phase of the moon. Take a moment to watch this Jimmy Buffett video if you don’t believe me!
And, if you have ever taught or recited the following words to your children – I rest my case for proving your bonkerness!
Hey diddle diddle,
The cat played the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon,
The little dog laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the Spoon
For crying out loud, Grumpy says it’s more likely that the fork ran away with the spoon. See how crazy this verse appears when you think logically? And, you teach your children this?
Did you know that the first full moon after the autumnal equinox is known as the ‘Hunter’s moon’ because the light combined with abundance of prey such as rabbits meant it was the perfect time for stalking prey?
I guess that predisposes the phenomena of people who walk about like zombie-stalkers on nights with full moons. Many of these folks, according to some, end up in hospital emergency wards or on police blotters because of their behavior.
Grumpy also suggests we shouldn’t trust guys with guns during this equinox. We all are familiar with how Porky Pig is obsessed with “offing” old Bugs with that 12 gage he carries.
I don’t know if there are men on the moon, but if there are they must be using the earth as their lunatic asylum – George Bernard Shaw
Still Sceptical: You can view this balanced ABC report and come up with your own conclusions.
But, in the interest of science, logic and the study of Lycanthropy (Look it up) Grumpy presents this personal example of The Transylvania Effect. This incident happened August 21st – the dreaded day of the full moon.
It’s full moon time. Grumpy is walking his grandson, Little Roo, pushing a stroller, minding his own damned business. The girls, the Good Wife and the Smurf, are at the Spa having a pedicure. No doubt, their toes will twinkle and glow.
We are all one with the world. It is a day when the dish just might run away with the spoon.
Just as Grumpy watches the traffic light turn GREEN and just as the WALK signal glows bright, a car makes a turn into the intersection, making a beeline for Grumps and Little Roo. The car is nearly up on two wheels, the tires are screeching in protest – Grumpy is about to become incontinent.
The old guy madly back peddles, nearly stumbling over the curb as Grumpy is wont to do. An expletive deletive is about to erupt from his lips. These words would sound to the casual observer much like “TRUCKING SCHOOL”.
It says here that those observers would be incredibly misinformed.
And, to make matters worse, Little Roo, who likes to point at trucks as they roar by, is extending one of his other fingers. I ask you, who taught him such things?
As the car speeds by, Grumpy notices that it is driven by a smiling little old lady who extends a friendly wave as if to say, “Thank you, good Sir, for letting me through first.” She has no clue that she nearly splattered 63 year Papa Grumpy and toddler Roo all over the crosswalk!
That’s when Grumpy also notices that this Granny has two overgrown canine teeth and a five o’clock shadow. She’s obviously scurrying off to the market to buy steak and dog food.
That old gal has been moonstruck!
In closing, Grumpy leaves you with a couple of humorous quips he found, just to take a little edge of all this serious Lunar Lunacy. And, just a fair warning, if you meet up with Grumpy on one of those full moon days he speaks of remember this , “His bark is worse than his bite!”
“OOOOOw – wwwwwoooo!”
Q: What do you call a clock on the moon? A: A lunartick.
Q: How does a man on a moon get his haircut? A: Eclipse it.
Two blondes in Las Vegas were sitting on a bench talking … and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away … Florida or the moon?”
The other blonde turns and says “Hellooooooo, can you see Florida?”