Floridays 2014: Grumpy and the Good Wife’s Excellent Adventure
Wow, it’s been awhile. Grumpy has been busy-busy and has had no time to tinkle the keyboard and put out a BLOG.
That said; he and the Good Wife made their annual trek to Florida last week, a trip that is into its 25th year and counting.
These trips always provide fodder for Grumpy, being that there are usually many a “Jimbo moment” and a few observations to be had.
Here’s a list of those entertaining events of happenstance.
EVENT NUMBER ONE
This is Why they call me SLICE
Some of the Phenom’s friends, particularly Coin, Juice and CVD, baptised Grumpy with the nickname of SLICE. This came as derivative of name of the fighter “Kimbo Slice” (Kevin Ferguson), given that Grumpy’s also goes by the name of Jimbo. Grumpy wears a ball cap to Florida that has D.K. Slice embossed on the front; the D.K. referring to a winter driving incident where Grumpy nearly bought the farm. D.K. refers to DRIFT KING, of course.
It turns out this trip to Florida just added to the legend of Slice because that is exactly what happened. There was a little slicing and dicing going on.
On the first day of living in the little trailer at 101 Beaverkill, Grumpy noticed that he had blood spots on his shirt and his shorts. He had no idea where they came from. These spots and stains increased as the morning went on. Grumpy thought he’d sprung a leak.
Later in the day he noticed a long scratch on his forearm. Grumpy thought that maybe he had scratched himself while unpacking the car. But, upon further inspection he found numerous cuts and scratches on his arms. It appeared as if he had a run in with rabid CAT. Because of the blood thinner he takes, he was oozing platelets and leaking all over the place. These scratches and cuts were of the precision of a surgeon’s scalpel.
Grumpy was dumfounded until his mother-law remarked, “Oh, you had a run in with the Yucca plant by the trailer!”
Grumpy remembers the soft brushing of that plant as he followed the path to the trailer. There was no pain or discomfort. That’s because the ends of those fronds included a small but elongated needle of mass destruction. Each of these protrusions was a sharp as a razor.
As it turns out, Grumpy did have an encounter with a Yucca plant. Little did grumpy know that a dire warning comes with some of the Florida varieties.
While a yucca plant or tree is great to look at, they can be quite dangerous to little hands and paws. The ends of the leaves, or needles, can be razor sharp. Unknowing pets or curious kids can cause a lot of damage to their hands or paws by getting too close to them. Make sure your yucca is in a safe place to avoid this.
If you have children or pets it is probably not a good idea to grow yucca plants in the garden as they have razor sharp leaves that can easily hurt people and animals.
Curiously, the warning doesn’t include dumbass senior citizens going by the scientific nomenclature of species D.K. Sliceamitris. Put one (D.K.) with the other (Yucca) and you’ve got blood loss of noticeable proportions.
Grumpy is not surprised given the use of one particular variety of yucca.
Species such as Yucca filamentosa, in rural Appalachian areas, are coined as “meat hangers”, as its sharp spiny tips and tough fibrous leaves are used in puncturing meat as well as knotted in order to form a loop wherein meat can be hung in smoking houses or for salt curing.
Grumpy’s sliced, diced and bleeding arms surely attest to that.
Grumpy is happy that the Yucca is from the AGAVE family of plants. Most of you would be familiar with the Blue Agave drink, I’m sure. Actually the nectar from these AGAVE plants is used as a sweetener. And, you might know that the nectar of Agave tequilana is used as the base of the alcohol of the same name.
So, when Grumpy took his shirt off at the pool and his fellow sunbathers saw those numerous scratches and abrasions, it goes without saying that many believed that Mrs. and Mrs. Grumpy had gotten into tequila big-time. There appeared to be the pervasive view that one thing led to another. Surely, that tidbit of gossip rolled through the trailer park to the point that daily walkers diverted there routes to pass by 101 Beaverkill, curious about the frisky goings on in that single-wide trailer.
Nevertheless, if someone ventured to inquire, Grumpy would just smile and remark that he had a slight case of Cat-Scratch Fever. (This is not to be confused with the Jackass Fever a condition that has become chronic and often leads Grumpy into many of his adventures.)
Stay tuned for more adventures from Florida. This, my friends, is the tip of the iceberg. Really, Grumpy has only scratched the surface.