Pops, Poop, Pampers and the Poseidon Adventure


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As you well know, Grumpy has been watching his grandbaby little Ryder for quite a spell now. While Jeff and Meghan work, Grumpy initiates his own form of Papa Daycare. Now that “school’s out for the summer” the Good Wife, a teacher, has joined in with our tag team approach to babysitting. We are the “A” team as in – very AVAILABLE!

Ryder turned two in May and, as development takes it course, he talks, babbles and tells us when he poops.

“I pooped,” he says proudly.

Grumpy’s daughter said just last week that she felt he was ready for potty training. He was feeling the “urge” and expressing an interest, so now it was time to up the ante and do a little sit and hit the Cheerio with the fire hose routine. We’d make potty training a fun experience.

Last night she reported that little Ryder-oo was proud to pee two times and pass gas once. The lad seems to like potty practice especially when he can flush. It appears as if he’s taking to this like a duck to water.

Well Grumpy had to telephone his grandbaby, of course, and tell him what a “big boy” he was.

So today, Meghan was enthusiastic and thereby encouraged us to follow through on this regimen. We were watching the little guy from 1:30-7:00 pm: lots of time for two teachers to hone their craft. Hell, we trained three of our own didn’t we?

10430861_10152314677733557_5440285695709875539_nWell you should know that Ryder calls Grumpy “Pops”. And, because of all of this Papa Daycare time Pops is pretty well high on the list of those Ryder likes to see and spend time with.

When we arrived today we had this conversation.

“Hey Ryder, Pops heard you peed on the potty.”

Ryder replied with a big smile and a, “Yaaaaaaa!”

“You’re such a big boy now, Ryder!”

“Yaaaaaa,” he repeats, this time in chin on the chest “I’m shy” mode.

“Can you show Pops how your potty works?” Grump queries, hoping to initiate a “Show and Tell” moment.

The little gaffer takes old Grumps by the hand and starts leading him to the lavatory. He repeats “Pops” over and over again.

Once there, he proceeds to show Grumpy the toddler potty insert hanging beside the toilet, pulls the handle and flushes and babbles along telling Grumpy how this amazing contraption works.

“Ah water, push, I pee, ah sit, ya,” he tells me.

“Do you want to try to go on the potty now,” Grumpy suggests, knowing well that his little buddy will be glad to demonstrate.

“Yaaaaa,” Ryder says.

So we remove the diaper, put the potty on the pot, and place the “pot-ee” – Ryder- upon the pot and wait. Grumpy remembers waiting in restaurants while his food chilled to potato salad consistency pleading with his own kids, “Are you done yet?”

Just a few weeks ago Grumpy’s niece experienced the same wait-time in a restaurant washroom when her three year old asked, “Mom, did you bring a book?”

Egads! Will this be a sit-in of marathon proportions?

But, Ryder was a quick study this particular time, tinkling twice while playing with his float plane tub toy. He peered down in that small space in front of him and smiled. Both Pops and the lad were proud. High fives were exchanged and hoots and hollers followed.

Pops then asked, “Are you done?”

And with that, Ryder jumped off the pot and quickly pushed the handle. In one motion his hand grabbed a tissue from the garbage can and tossed it into the whirlpool. He leaned over the bowl amazed with the magic of the disappearing paper.

NOTE TO DAUGHTER: Move that can well away from the launch pad because if he grabs a diaper that sucker will be plugged in a New York minute. In fact, to be better safe than sorry, institute a no knickknack zone of at least three feet in that particular area. The boy is lightning quick and this is a black hole for small inanimate objects.

We’ll fast forward to later in the day, after we spent some time in Port Dover and the play park. Upon arriving home Pops decided to try for a second demonstration, trying to build some consistency or a routine if you will.

“Ryder do you have to go potty?” he asked nonchalantly.

The surprising response was, “Yaaaaa!”

So, off they trudged, Pops and the two year old, hand-in-hand like two knights of the round bowl, ready to complete another quest towards diaper redemption.

Sitting upon the throne Ryder had a quizzical expression etched upon his face. It was if he was anticipating a great moment.

First he peed.

Then, he peed again.

He expressed a long drawn out, “Oooohhhhhhhh!” when his first loud toot echoed around the bowl.

“That’s alright buddy. You farted,” Grumpy suggested nervously. Grandma was in the hall offering encouraging words as well. This moment was monumental for all of us, you see.

Then, after some serious grunts and a Ker plop, it appeared as if the deed was done. Ryder smiled a satisfied smile and squealed loudly.

The plan was that Pops would tag team with Grandma, pass off the boy for the new diaper, whilst he inspected the evidence for authenticity.

Unfortunately, all hell broke loose.

Quick as a flash, Ryder scrambled off the pot and reached back and flushed. The evidence was about to be destroyed, even as the little man was waddling to his Grandma.

Grumpy flipped off the potty insert and thrust his head forward to see if the deed had been done. He watched as his sunglasses flew from his forehead to drop in the bowl and disappear from sight. That, of course, was not before he thrust his hand in the swirling whirlpool trying to extract his Steve Madden’s. This was Grumpy’s personal Poseidon Adventure.

All the good wife could exclaim was, “EEEEEWWWWWWWWW!”

Grumpy was about to reach for his daughter’s towel when the Good Wife screamed, “Nooooo, not the towel!”

“But honey, my glasses are going down with the ship!”

Now as it turned out, a little CIS analysis revealed that Ryder, in fact, pooped on the potty for the very first time. First of all the Good Wife noticed that the lad’s waddle was not unlike that of a bow legged cowboy. Then, when he was placed on the change mat he pointed at his nether regions saying, “Yuck, yucky.”

Needless to say, it took a good swipe with a baby wipe to extract that evidence. It was there for all us to see. Residual poop smears were there in plain view for each of us to marvel upon.

Cheers and high fives erupted, once again. Grumpy’s enthusiasm was particularly acute given that he had indeed extracted his sunglasses from the plumbing without getting his hand stuck. Ryder squealed, “Gasses, Pops, gasses!”

When Ryder’s dad, Jeff, returned from work Ryder babbled on about his day but was most proud when he grabbed his crotch and exclaimed, “I pooped!”

I think you’d agree that this was a go-out-and-buy some pull up Pampers moment. It was like Christmas, Easter and your birthday all rolled into one.

Totally priceless!

So folks, the evidence is clear, being a grand parent is as much fun as a barrel of monkeys and then some.

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